Breathing Deeply: My Life With Cystic Fibrosis

No matter how many good intentions you have, quitting cold turkey is about the hardest thing in the world to do. --Leif Garrett

It's been nearly two weeks now with minimal caffeine intake. Selecting non-caffeinated beverages is becoming so much of a habit now that I'm even starting to make good choices in my dreams! Last night I dreamed that I was at a snack bar (like at a football game) and I reached for a Barq's rootbeer. Just as I was about to pay for it, a second thought entered my head and I opted for a Sprite instead. That's a little weird because I rarely drink Sprite--I'm a Sierra Mist kinda gal--but I guess that was all that was available in my dream.

Perhaps the hardest part about cutting back on caffeine is limiting my soda intake at work. Typically I would bring 2 Coca-colas from home--one for the morning, and one for the afternoon--and sip on them throughout the day. Granted, those wouldn't make me nearly as wired as having a grande mocha frappuccino from $tarbuck$, but even so, they influenced me. I read somewhere that caffeine stays in the system for something like 7 hours, which would explain why I always had trouble sleeping if I had a soda or frappuccino in the late afternoon.
Today at work I'm sipping tea. I thought it was a good idea, and a good excuse to use my cute little striped teacup and matching saucer that my cousin sent me.

Good idea: tea at work. Bad idea: chamomile tea!

Not only is it decaf, but the chamomile had some relaxing properties. It's very delicious, but it's more of an "unwind at the end of the day" kind of tea than a "gulp it down while printing reports." Oh well. At least I'm not wired, right?

Tonight is my much anticipated CF Clinic appointment. I'm apprehensive, but I think it'll be okay. Amazingly enough, I'm hardly coughing at all today. I think I was sick about a week ago but was too stressed to notice. Then again maybe I was too stressed last week and too sick to notice. Either way, I'm feeling better.

Current mood: complacent
Health-o-meter: 80% of my baseline
Emotional weather: mostly sunny, scattered clouds.

So far so good. We take it one day at a time.
--Celine Dion

Nothing spectacular is going on today other than the fact that my dreary mood is lifting. I didn't have to cough for quite as long this morning when I woke up, and now that the hormonal pendulum is swinging back the other way, my cough isn't as tight of whistle-y as it had been. That's a good thing. I ate a nice big breakfast today which included an instant breakfast for some added calories, and my sinus headache is subsiding.

Current mood: confident/productive
Current snack item: banana
Health-o-meter: 80% of my baseline; mostly just tired

My plans for the rest of the day include stopping at the music store on the way home from work to buy a mute for my F. horn, helping Brad with the laundry, and giving myself permission to rest a bit. Dinner tonight will be chili cups, because they're easy and tasty.

God is faithful. He poured out all kinds of encouragement on me yesterday. I got a really nice email from a friend of my Aunt's who said that she appreciates reading my Pools of Grace blog. I also received some encouraging comments on this blog. It's nice to know that I'm not alone. I think what made me feel the happiest was sitting on the couch with my husband after dinner last night while we shared some peach cobbler/compote a la mode as we watched "2 1/2 Men" on TV. I love those little domestic moments that make me feel all cozy inside. I'm looking forward to more of them in the weeks to come.

Concern should drive us into action and not into a depression. No man is free who cannot control himself. --Pythagoras

The last few days have been rough for me. My husband says that it's really only been 1 day, but I feel as though so much more time has passed than that. If I were to gauge time by how it feels in my head, I would say that a month has passed within the last 2 days.

I'm exhausted. I'm struggling to keep up and I'm failing miserably. I don't know what exactly turned the tide so swiftly, but I know from experience that depression has a way of doing that to me. Brad said I'm like a balloon. I let myself be filled up with things that put pressure on me (good pressure and bad pressure) and I don't do enough to relieve it. Sometimes the pressure gets to be too much and I pop. Most times the contents of my balloon start leaking rapidly out of the air inlet and I end up going pphbbbbtbbbtbtbtbtbbtbtbbtbtbtbtbbtbbtbtbtbbtb, making weird noises and flying around the room in an uncontrollable pattern until I land in a pathetic, deflated heap somewhere.

More than anything, I'm struggling with anger and jealousy. I'm angry that I have CF and can't do anything about it. Most of the time having CF doesn't bother me. However, there are times (like right now) where I'm so frustrated and infuriated by it. I'm angry that Brad and I battle against things that other 20-somethings don't have to.

What's both frustrating and comforting at the same time is knowing that I am not in full control. God has planned out the course of my life, and I know that even the crappiest stuff we go through is part of his will. I know that God is in charge of everything and that His plan for my life is perfect, but I'm so impatient. I want to fast forward to see how this all turns out. I want to know that the yuck stuff wasn't a fluke.

God doesn't work like that though. He never promised us that life would be easy. He does promise to be my source of comfort and strength. He has provided me with an amazing husband who does more than just shoulder the burden with me. God gives me little blessings every day, and I'm very grateful for them. Just because I find myself in depressive moods at times doesn't mean that I don't see the good things. It just means that I'm human. I'm normal. I've struggled with some very difficult things in the last couple of years, and it is going to take some time to heal from that.

In the meantime, I'm praying for peace. I don't want to be ruled by my emotions. I want to hold every thought captive to Jesus. I'm incapable of handling this alone. I need my Savior to step in and take the brunt of this pain for me.

IN THE name of God, Amen.

We whose names are underwritten, the loyal subjects of our dread sovereign Lord, King James, by the grace of God, of Great Britain, France and Ireland king, defender of the faith, etc., having undertaken, for the glory of God, and advancement of the Christian faith, and honor of our king and country, a voyage to plant the first colony in the Northern parts of Virginia, do by these presents solemnly and mutually in the presence of God, and one of another, covenant and combine ourselves together into a civil body politic, for our better ordering and preservation and furtherance of the ends aforesaid; and by virtue hereof to enact, constitute, and frame such just and equal laws, ordinances, acts, constitutions, and offices, from time to time, as shall be thought most meet and convenient for the general good of the colony, unto which we promise all due submission and obedience.

In witness whereof we have hereunder subscribed our names at Cape-Cod the 11 of November in the year of the reign of our sovereign lord, King James, of England, France, and Ireland, the eighteenth and of Scotland the fifty-fourth. Anno Domine 1620.

--William Bradford, The Mayflower Compact

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. --Lily Tomlin

Well, I did it. I swallowed that yucky feeling that comes from dreading a confrontation. Last night I gave my notice to our church choir director that after the Christmas program, I wouldn't be available anymore. There are only so many hours in a day, and Brad and I think that our time would be better spent by getting to know the other young married couples at church. There is a community group that meets every other week, but we've already missed more meetings than we have attended because of our committment to the choir.

This weekend was a good one. Brad and I totally relaxed on Saturday. I think we both knew that it was likely to be our last restful Saturday before we are totally engrossed in family plans and holiday parties. We bought some new DVDs. Hooray for Blockbuster's low prices on the 'pre-viewed' items! I have no problem with second hand videos. We got "National Treasure", "Ocean's 12" and "After the Sunset". Notice a common theme? We like heist movies--some more than others.

Healthwise this weekend was up and down. The dry weather made me a bit miserable in the sinuses department, but my cough seems to decreasing in frequency and difficulty. I still have a slight post-nasal drip thing going on, but as long as I'm keeping a box of tissues handy, I can get rid of that junk without giving it time to create problems in other parts of my respiratory tract. My appetite isn't as good as it could be, but I'm not too worried about that. Today I'm pleased to report that I'm wearing my "big pants" and I don't even need a belt to keep them up. The size 3 jeans that my mom bought for me a few months ago are now too tight to wear all the time, so that's cool.

I'm trying to eat more fruits. I think my body chemistry is a bit out of whack because I'm craving things that aren't good for me. So, instead of reaching for the thing I think I want, I am feeding myself what I know my body needs. Right now I'm eating a banana, which is good for my mental health as well sine it contains seratonin (a natural "upper"). I'm definitely going to need this today because...are you ready for this...I'm cutting back on caffeine. Yikes!

It has now been 87 hours since I last had a caffeinated beverage. Scary, no?

Never order food in excess of your body weight.
--Erma Bombeck

Yesterday was my little (well, younger anyway) sister's birthday. We went to her favorite Mexican restaurant, "Pancho Villa's." They have LOUD mariachi musicians from 7-8pm, which is part of what she likes about the place.

After more than 2 hours in the car, Brad and I were extremely hungry and had our appetites ready! Since my parents had arrived first with the guest of honor, Dad ordered an appetizer of quesadillas, so Brad and I were able to start chowing down not long after sitting down. Mmmmmmm. I ordered pollo a la plancha for my meal, (mostly because it came with guacamole) and we had some deep fried ice cream in a crispy cinnamon tostada for dessert. By the time we were ready to get back into the car to drive home I felt very overly stuffed.

My stomachache only got worse as we headed for San Diego. With only 4 miles left to go, I thought for sure I was going to refry my beans right then and there. As we pulled off the freeway we got stuck at a red light. Oh the agony! The next light was yellow, and I blasted through that one. Then another red light by our apartment. Upon pulling into our parking spot, I lept out of the car and did the fastest Mexican two-step anyone's ever seen.

It's now been twelve hours and I'm still uncomfortable. I think it will be quite awhile before I'm ready for more rice and beans. Right now a salad sounds good. And some water. And a pack of tums.

The weatherman is not only blamed for his failure to foretell,
he is blamed for the weather itself.--Chuck Jones

Santa Ana conditions. Again. I could tell that today was going to be warm and dry because I was up half the night trying to catch my breath. I have been taking Singulair for almost a year now and I'm really happy with how well it keeps my symptoms under control throughout the night. Although I'm coughing more the last couple days, it seems to be largely due to asthma and allergies and not so much because of anything particularly nasty relating to CF. Still, Santa Ana season is not particularly enjoyable.

While I'm on the subject, I'd like to rant a bit about asthma.

A few years back I was a field tech helping with a pediatric asthma epidemiological study. I was simply astonished at how awful some of the living conditions were of some of the kids. I don't know about you, but it seems to me that if your kid has a chronic allergic condition or asthma, wouldn't you want to eliminate as many triggers from their environment as possible? Some of these homes had multiple indoor animals (dander galore!) molds growing in the kitchen, dust everywhere...basically it was a mess. Those things I suppose I could tolerate on some levels. I know that not everyone has the time or resources to maintain an allergen free home like I had growing up. What bothered, no, enraged me the most was the parents who smoked in the house with their asthmatic kids. Even more appalling was that some parents had no problem supporting their nicotine habit, but they did not have the ability to provide basic asthma medications for their child.

*Sigh* Enough of that. It breaks my heart to know that there are hurting kids out there who have to endure life with lousy parents.

I'm so thankful for my family and the many ways my parents provided for me (and on occasion still do) in order to make managing CF and its related diseases more manageable. I'm thankful that my husband and I both have jobs in a coastal city where the air quality is wonderful compared to Riverside. I'm thankful that God has provided in many ways so that we never have to decide whether our money should be spent on groceries or medications.

Day. n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent. --Ambrose Bierce




Yesterday I came home from work and growled "augughghahghahghahga!!!!" before I flopped onto the bed. No really, that's what I said. The commute home was absolutely TERRIBLE. I don't think my speed exceeded the low teens at any point. What should have taken 20 minutes, took 80 minutes. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had to pee. Oh yeah, and I took my frustrations out on my poor husband over the cell phone while I was trapped on the freeway. No permanent damage done though, he accepted my apology.

Rather than whine and stomp around the apartment for the rest of the evening, I decided to vent by getting some actual work done. Sometimes I like to make a "done" list instead of a "to do" list. It's a very empowering thing to look over a sheet of paper and see that some real progress has been made. Here's what my "done" list looked like.

• Folded the load of whites
• Put away the whites
• Loaded the dishwasher
• Wiped the kitchen counter
• Emptied the trash can in the kitchen
• Cleared off the kitchen table
• Straightened up the coffee table
• Made the bed
• Ate a snack
• Ate dinner
• Ran the remaining loads of laundry
• Apologized to Brad for being mean on the phone
  

I know, it's all less than remarkable stuff, but to me it was a great night. I think the most impressive part (at least in my mind) was that I only spent about 2 1/2 hours on it. I was very energized and gratified to get so much accomplished. It was actually Brad's idea awhile back that I start learning how to break things down into bite-sized pieces so that I don't feel so burned out. I used to keep a checklist that would say "clean up" and would put all kinds of pressure on myself to clean up EVERYTHING at once. Needless to say, that rarely happened.

So, all in all, yesterday was a day of personal victory over my tendency to be overwhelmed by the racing thoughts of OCD that would normally keep me from getting anything accomplished. I even got to bed on time and sleep soundly for most of the night. I had one minor coughing spell about midnight, but I got that under control pretty easily. Even that wasn't too bad since the stuff I coughed up didn't have much color to it anymore. Tobi and Zithromax must be doing the trick! That reminds me. It's Wednesday, I need to take Zithromax when I get home.

Whatever our souls are made of,
his and mine are the same.
--Emily Bronte

Saturday night we went out to dinner with friends. We've known this couple for slightly less than a year, and don't get to spend much one-on-one time with either of them, so much of our conversation was aimed at getting to know them a bit better. Kate and Joel got married just two weeks after we did, so they are very much on the same "newlywed" page that Brad and I are. My favorite part of the conversation that evening was hearing Joel tell his version of their engagement story. His grin was unmistakable and his eyes shone brightly even in the dim light of the restaurant, as he described the events that led up to his proposal to Kate.

Brad and I also told our story about our engagement. Hearing Brad tell it always makes me smile and laugh a bit. Mostly I laugh at myself when he gets to the part about how we would have been engaged a day sooner if I had only cut my midterm studying short. I also laugh when he describes how my jaw dropped when I realized that he was down on one knee actually proposing to me. Brad still teases me that I never said "yes" but instead managed to say "yeah."

God has been very good to us throughout our entire relationship. We have endured some very heart-wrenching trials, but more importantly, we have rejoiced in God's provision and His goodness. Brad is a tremendous source of strength and support for me, and this is because he constantly looks to our Heavenly Father for direction and wisdom. Brad teaches me a lot about how to be less of a control freak, and how to just sit still sometimes.

When we were dating, something we often discussed is that it's not enough for both of us to be Christians. Being equally yoked meant that we had to be on relatively the same page when it came to our personal convictions and our individual relationship with God. Our backgrounds are so similar in almost every way, and this makes it less daunting to fuse our individuality into common goals for our two-person family.

To be honest, I never thought I would find someone who would want to marry me. I thought that having Cystic fibrosis was quite possibly the biggest turn off ever. I couldn't imagine that there was a man in the world who would be willing to sleep beside me each night, sometimes having to listen to the wheezes and gurgles that go along with the various lung infections. I thought that no parent would ever want their son to marry a woman whose lifespan was decidedly shorter than average.

This just goes to show that nothing is too much of a challenge for God. I am dumbstruck to realize that during all my self-depreciating teenage years, God was working to prepare the heart of the man I would one day marry. All the things I thought were undesireable about me are the very things that have tempered my character and molded me into the God-fearing woman that I am. God has used each of my personal struggles to shape me into a woman who is worthy of the godly man who wakes up beside me each morning.

God must really love me to have put me where I am today.

Today my friend Kate took pictures of us to use as our Christmas cards this year. God has given her an incredible artistic flair! With more than 100 photos to browse through, Brad and I definitely have our work cut out for us as we figure out which one to use.

It was a very fun afternoon with the camera, and the lighting was pretty much perfect. Not to mention the place we went was extremely picturesque. A friend of ours was house-sitting at a gorgeous Victorian home. Their front, back and side yards were the settings for dozens upon dozens of beautiful pictures. Here's just one of them to whet your appetite...

Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care.--Blaise Pascal

Over the last few days I have been trying to take it easy. The busyness of the weekend took a lot out of me, and I know that unless I regroup now, I'll be very exhausted once the holiday season gets going full blast. I love being busy. I love having little projects to do. I enjoy trying to squeeze that last drop of effort out of myself at work on Friday afternoons at 4:59. My husband knows how tricky it is to get me to stay still.

I'm not sick right now, which is amazing considering we're into November already. My sinuses were giving me heck the other day and I was a big congested, so I worked at home where I could cough in peace without being an annoyance or health risk to my co-workers. On Tuesday night I went to be very early. I could hardly keep my eyes open past 8pm. In fact, I don't even remember falling asleep, but Brad attests that I conked out on the couch and had to be coerced into crawling under the covers of our bed.

Tonight I would very much like to do a cleaning frenzy around the apartment, but I think my energy would be better spent and somewhat preserved if I stick to getting the groceries and putting them away. I'll allow myself to deal with the clean/dirty dishes, but that's it. There's nothing that can't wait until Saturday.

Lest you think I'm lazy, let me tell you that giving myself permission to rest is a relatively new thing for me. Back in May I was diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). One of my obsessions was that I would not, could not allow myself to go to bed until I had taken on and conquered some huge task. I always felt like I needed to be doing something. There were times when I would take all my clothes out of my dresser and pile them on the bed just so I would have something to do by folding them all and putting them away again later. Sounds weird, but that's how OCD works. Things would just have to be ordered in a way that made sense to MY little birdbrain. But I digress.

Tonight is for putting away groceries and getting to bed before 10:00pm. Tomorrow will be a relaxing start to the weekend but having a nice dinner prepared for Brad when he gets home. Saturday will be apartment cleaning/organizing day. I think I can manage that without wearing myself out.

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are. --Bertolt Brecht

I seriously have to learn to roll with the punches a little more easily. I don't mind when I'm the one who dictates when things should be changed, but boy do I get out of whack when things change without my permission. I guess I should have been more careful when I asked my friends to pray that I will learn to be more content in any and every circumstance.

Here's the present situation. My company will no longer be offering PacifiCare as one of my medical coverage options. I was just feeling like I had gotten to the point where I able to jump through the flaming hoops of the HMO circus, and now I get to start all over again. I shouldn't complain too much though. It looks like I'll still be able to have UCSD Healthcare as my go-to-guys, but I'm not looking forward to starting back at square 1 with the referral process and choosing a primary care provider.

Still, for all the less-than-thrilling aspects of having to live in a grown-up world, I consider myself extremely blessed to be able to work full-time in spite of having CF. My employer is really great, and since I work right across the street from the CF Team Clinic and live less than a block away from the primary care people, I honestly have very few complaints.

That's about it for me here on a breezy autumn Monday. Even though it's early, the sun is already beginning to set and the sky is quite lovely. I hope the rest of the week goes off without a hitch. Stay tuned for pictures from "My Big Fat Dutch Family Gathering".

Real love and real life doesn't have to be perfect.--Sarah Evans

I overslept, so my day began inefficiently.

I forgot my jacket, so I've been a little chilly in my office at work.

I dropped my sandwich on the floor while attempting to eat with one hand and hold a book in the other.

It took 3 U-turns to find the hair salon my coworker recommended.

That's okay though because all of that stuff is minute and trivial in the grand scheme of things. The best thing I've got going is that no matter what happens, my life is a great one. I have family and friends whom I love and who love me, a great job, a roof over my head, a warm bed to sleep in, lots of yummy food in the kitchen, and a God who provides all of this with zero effort on His part. I am far from perfect, the events of my life will always be far from perfect, but no matter what, God is always perfect. Pretty awesome, isn't it?

Monday, one day. Tuesday today. Wednesday. What? Huh? Thursday. Third Day.--'Joey' from Friends

Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I'm not entirely sure why. Overwhelmed probably isn't the best word. Restless is more like it. I'm looking forward to the weekend, but at the same time I'm worn out just thinking about it. Today has been one of those days where you wish it would end, but at the same time you really don't have the energy to do anything else once it does. I'm probably not making any sense. I think I need a hug.

Last night was okay. Not spectacular and not boring. Our church does this thing called "Second Wind" which is a short series of topical sermons that take place on Wednesday evenings. People show up to eat a meal together beforehand as a way to promote fellowship among the congregation. The church always sends out an email reminder with the information about the evening's topic. It also states what the dinner will be. No matter what they're serving (pizza, chicken, beans and rice) the email says "Everybody's favorite -insert food type here-". Last night was "Everybody's Favorite--Chinese."

Not so favorite. Normally the mere thought of Chinese food makes me salivate. There was a time where I'd be hard pressed to decide whether I wanted to live off Rice Chex cereal or orange peel chicken. Lately though I've been a bit grossed out by Chinese food. I haven't had it in quite awhile, and my stomach forgot that it is supposed to like it. I've had nothing but problems since dinner last night.

It's weird, all of a sudden over the last 24 hours I went from feeling great to feeling really worn down. I haven't been faithfully taking Anafranil at 7:30 like I had been. I still take it every night, but there's a window of about 2-3 hours in which I take it. I'm finding out that the OCD stays reigned in much better if I take it at the same time every time. It sounds like it should be an easy enough thing to do, right? Well, it's not.

Today the weather is colder than it has been, so that's affecting my cough. Last night it was quite chilly and foggy when we left church. Not long after crawling into bed I rolled over onto my back (I usually sleep all curled up on my side) and felt like I was suffocating. As I took a big breath in I heard a really weird gurgling, crackling wheeze. It wasn't like my usual asthma whistle-wheeze. I finally got in a big enough breath to cough to clear the obstruction and all that I coughed out into the tissue was blood--no mucus whatsoever.

This has happened on one or two occasions in the past, so I'm not overly concerned about it. It just shocks me initially. What I think is going on is that by starting up TOBI, my lungs are affected a little differently than they usually are since now they're soaking up antibiotics. I may have been at the very beginning stages of a lung infection when I started TOBI, so as the drugs work they're breaking up the little clusters of bacteria and that's probably what's making it bleed. My theory is, it's sort of like when you don't floss for awhile and then when you do your gums bleed a bit. My sister is a dental assistant and she told me that the reason gums bleed when flossing is because the bacteria is getting upset at having been disturbed.

Today I haven't been coughing much and when I have there hasn't been any blood, so that's good. Just to be on the safe side though, I'm going to call the doctor (*sigh*) and make an appointment. In the meantime I'm going to make a concerted effort to be diligent with the vitamin supplements and try to get some additional vitamin K into my system.

I need a nap. And a hug. Any volunteers?

There is a harmony in autumn, and a luster in its sky--Percy Bysshe Shelley

I always loved the promise of a fresh start that was ushered in with each new school year. Although I no longer base my life around a school calendar, I do still enjoy this season. Now that November is here and daylight savings time has ended, I feel a sense of calm as I finish out the last few months of 2005.

This month marks the beginning of my second year living in a climate that very much agrees with my health. Santa Ana conditions do still occur, but here near the ocean there isn't nearly as much dust blowing around. I think I could get used to this. Of course, there are still days when my health decides to have a mind of its own despite my best efforts to keep myself healthy and in good shape, but that's okay. I realize that I cannot control every little detail. What's important is that I do my best and not let myself get too worked up by what is out of my hands.

This week has been excellent so far. Today is Day 2 of latest and greatest attempt to establish a morning routine for the two of us. Brad likes to get up early to go work out, and I usually like to sleep in until the last possible minute. For awhile there we were feeling less like a married couple and more like roommates. This wasn't causing any problems per se, but we both recognized the need for creating a more "familial" atmosphere in our home.

Now our morning routine is that Brad goes to the gym, and I sleep until he comes back. While he's in the shower I reluctantly crawl out from beneath the cozy covers and make the bed. (I've found that unless I make the bed, it's far too tempting to flop back into it. ) Then we eat breakfast together and I make our lunches to take to work. Like I said, it's only been a couple of days, so it's very easy to still be enthusiastic about it, but starting our day together is wonderful! I've asked the gals in my prayer group to pray for continued motivation and self-discipline for me so that I can stick with this new routine as much as possible.

I think the best part about it is seeing how happy my husband is to be sent off to work with a homemade lunch and a kiss goodbye. I'd do absolutely anything for that man. He deserves every ounce of my effort to be the best wife possible. He's not too difficult to please either--his tastes are relatively basic. Keeping him as happy as he deserves is certainly within my power and I'm glad to have the opportunity to do so! The last couple of days have felt very balanced, which is good. I'm tempted to take my stored up energy and spend it all on lots of activity, but I know that the reason I feel so good right now is because I've paced myself. Physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually I feel "pretty darn good" as I told my dad on the phone the other night.

On the physical side of things, I'm sleeping relatively well (even though the neighbors had a loud party last night) and I've been keeping up with my meds. Zithromax is always easy for me to forget since that one's only every other day. I reorganized the medicine cabinet recently and that has helped. I moved all the "back up" meds to a basket under the counter, and only keep the current prescriptions within easy reach. Now that November has arrived, I'll be doing TOBI treatments again. (I only do those during odd months.) I flushed my port on Monday and had no problems there. I can't believe I've had that thing for 8 years now!

Emotionally/spiritually speaking, I've rallied. October was very up and down for me for a number of reasons, but as each day passes, God gives me a measure of His grace and a new perspective on things. October ended on a high note with some wonderful fellowship time with new friends from church and the exciting news of a new baby born to our friends in New York. God is certainly at work in my life and in the lives of those who are close to me. I look forward to what He has planned next.