Breathing Deeply: My Life With Cystic Fibrosis

Monday, one day. Tuesday today. Wednesday. What? Huh? Thursday. Third Day.--'Joey' from Friends

Today I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I'm not entirely sure why. Overwhelmed probably isn't the best word. Restless is more like it. I'm looking forward to the weekend, but at the same time I'm worn out just thinking about it. Today has been one of those days where you wish it would end, but at the same time you really don't have the energy to do anything else once it does. I'm probably not making any sense. I think I need a hug.

Last night was okay. Not spectacular and not boring. Our church does this thing called "Second Wind" which is a short series of topical sermons that take place on Wednesday evenings. People show up to eat a meal together beforehand as a way to promote fellowship among the congregation. The church always sends out an email reminder with the information about the evening's topic. It also states what the dinner will be. No matter what they're serving (pizza, chicken, beans and rice) the email says "Everybody's favorite -insert food type here-". Last night was "Everybody's Favorite--Chinese."

Not so favorite. Normally the mere thought of Chinese food makes me salivate. There was a time where I'd be hard pressed to decide whether I wanted to live off Rice Chex cereal or orange peel chicken. Lately though I've been a bit grossed out by Chinese food. I haven't had it in quite awhile, and my stomach forgot that it is supposed to like it. I've had nothing but problems since dinner last night.

It's weird, all of a sudden over the last 24 hours I went from feeling great to feeling really worn down. I haven't been faithfully taking Anafranil at 7:30 like I had been. I still take it every night, but there's a window of about 2-3 hours in which I take it. I'm finding out that the OCD stays reigned in much better if I take it at the same time every time. It sounds like it should be an easy enough thing to do, right? Well, it's not.

Today the weather is colder than it has been, so that's affecting my cough. Last night it was quite chilly and foggy when we left church. Not long after crawling into bed I rolled over onto my back (I usually sleep all curled up on my side) and felt like I was suffocating. As I took a big breath in I heard a really weird gurgling, crackling wheeze. It wasn't like my usual asthma whistle-wheeze. I finally got in a big enough breath to cough to clear the obstruction and all that I coughed out into the tissue was blood--no mucus whatsoever.

This has happened on one or two occasions in the past, so I'm not overly concerned about it. It just shocks me initially. What I think is going on is that by starting up TOBI, my lungs are affected a little differently than they usually are since now they're soaking up antibiotics. I may have been at the very beginning stages of a lung infection when I started TOBI, so as the drugs work they're breaking up the little clusters of bacteria and that's probably what's making it bleed. My theory is, it's sort of like when you don't floss for awhile and then when you do your gums bleed a bit. My sister is a dental assistant and she told me that the reason gums bleed when flossing is because the bacteria is getting upset at having been disturbed.

Today I haven't been coughing much and when I have there hasn't been any blood, so that's good. Just to be on the safe side though, I'm going to call the doctor (*sigh*) and make an appointment. In the meantime I'm going to make a concerted effort to be diligent with the vitamin supplements and try to get some additional vitamin K into my system.

I need a nap. And a hug. Any volunteers?