Breathing Deeply: My Life With Cystic Fibrosis

I assert that nothing ever comes to pass without a cause.

--Jonathan Edwards

I was admitted last Friday afternoon, and I don't expect to get out before next week. So far things are going pretty well. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I'm not stuck in here during a season of major holidays. Of course, yesterday was Valentine's Day, but Brad and I aren't in the habit of making a big deal of that. We did enjoy a nice take-out dinner for a "date". It was nice to be disconnected from the IV, even if only for a few hours. We had a good time laughing and talking and planning more things to do together in life.

I think that's what had been missing for awhile. I had gotten so bogged down by all the changes in life--the extended time off work, the inability to attend church regularly, shifting friendships...all of it felt too overwhelming and left me feeling a little hopeless. As I watched friends expand their families with the addition of babies, it stung a little. Hearing about people's plans to just pack up and go on a trip without much deliberation made me jealous. I felt like a lot of the things that I had imagined doing in my life were fading away very quickly.

Last night Brad and I made a pact to get passports. Not only to get them, but to use them. Looking forward to something like that gives me a surge of hope that I haven't felt in awhile. Don't get me wrong, God has blessed me with so many things, many of which I'm ashamed to say I've grumbled about or argued that they weren't enough. I'm seeing quite clearly now that the Lord gives, and the Lord takes away. Blessed be his name. Whatever God has planned for my life is undoubtedly taking place in order to bring honor and glory to himself.

I don't know how long I'll be here, but I have a round of PFTs to do this afternoon some time. Tonight they'll probably be adding fortaz to my list of meds. I'm already on colymycin, merrem, and levaquin, so I'm a little apprehensive about adding one more to the mix. However, as my mom said today "it's amazing what all those gallons of IVs can do". Gallons is right. I'm starting to feel a little bit like I'm some crazy engineering project.

If the PFTs haven't improved enough to satisfy the doc, we're going to try some prednisone. I hate it, but if that's what it takes, then I'm open to it. The doc assured me that it would be a short course and would taper down, as opposed to the extremely high doses that I was on a few years back.

Like I said, all in all I'm doing okay. I'm sleeping fine, I'm eating well, and there are no signs of a bowel obstruction this time. We just need to wipe out this infection, and I should finally be back on track.