Breathing Deeply: My Life With Cystic Fibrosis

I like that the antibiotics always seem to turn things around for me, but what I don't like are the icky side effects that go along with them. It's almost tearfully frustrating sometimes. Like last night. I am itchy from head to toe, and nothing brings relief. I've tried a hot bath, cold bath, oatmeal bath. I've taken sleeping pills and antihistamines. I've tried sleeping on the couch upstairs, downstairs and in my craft room. Soft pajamas, coarse pajamas, no pajamas. Nothing makes a lick of difference.

So today I'm sleep deprived and cranky, bordering on being downright unpleasant. My ears are ringing from the antibiotics. My fingers, toes and scalp are numb from them as well. My good humor is wearing thin, but could be better tomorrow.

There is a bright spot in all this and that's the simple fact that I get to do this round of treatment in the comfort and privacy of my own home. I'm not restricted to eating my meals between the hours of 7am and 7pm. I don't have ask for help to take a shower. I'm not pestered at 5:30 a.m. by an internist or resident who needs to ask how my night was before s/he meets with an attending physician.

Weighing the good and the bad is something that seems to happen naturally just by living each day with CF. There's always a good and/or bad aspect of the disease that's ruling at any given time. Right now it's my lungs that are bad, while my bowels are good. My sleep is bad, but my appetite is good. Somehow it all balances out and creates the portrait of a day in my life with cystic fibrosis. I hate cystic fibrosis, but I love the life I have. How's that for a paradox?