Breathing Deeply: My Life With Cystic Fibrosis

I've finally been feeling well enough AND had the energy enough to go up to see my friend Kelly and hold her precious twin girls. I've been 3 times now, and each time I'm just more in awe of Kelly's mothering instinct and her care for her babies. I love that she lets me be a part of that. Diapering, feeding and holding Julia and Ava is filling a place in my heart that I wasn't sure could be filled.

Today the most startling realization was that the experience isn't bittersweet. It's just plain sweet! When I'm holding Ava and smooching her adorable round cheeks, I'm not thinking "if only I could have this of my own." I find myself thinking "thank you Kelly for letting me be here." When I hear Julia's squeaking little "I need some attention" cry coming over the airwaves of the baby monitor, I congratulate myself on being a good Auntie who can already tell the girls' cries apart.

I know I don't get to participate in the true glory of what it's like to be a sleep-deprived new mom, but really, I don't mind that. I think that having our own kids would have truly been too exhausting for us.

Could we have made it work? Yes, I think so. But I'm glad we're not trying to.

Would we have been good parents? I like to believe so. But parenting 24/7 is not a calling that Brad and I share with couples our age.

I haven't seen the movie 27 Dresses, but I get the basic premise of "always a bridesmaid never a bride." Perhaps our story is more along the lines of "Always an Auntie, never a mom;" We could call it 27 nieces! It's a role I'm honored and delighted to fill.

Kelly, if you're reading this, THANK YOU and Rob again for the honor of being little Ava's namesake. It's a privilege to be a part of your growing family's life.