Breathing Deeply: My Life With Cystic Fibrosis

Wow, I had forgotten that there's a 6 AM! I woke up too early, decided to feed my bottomless pit of a stomach, and log in to cysticfibrosis.com to see what's up.

Yesterday wasn't too bad of a day, considering. I've learned that I am a VERY social creature, and my mental well-being is strongly tied to how many people I am in contact with during the day. Yesterday morning our pastor called to check on me. I really appreciated that, since we're still new to the church. It's nice to know we're being looked after.

After that Brad and I went for my "sun walk." My psych. thinks I would benefit from 45 minutes a day of good direct sunlight. I'm not going to argue, but it's sort of funny. It makes me feel like a house plant or something. After our walk it was exceptionally difficult for me not to crawl back into bed. I decided the best way to remove the temptation was to simply make the bed.

I liked how neat the bed looked all made up, so I decided to take a cue from my incredible husband and do some chores to make the rest of the house look good. I got all the laundry sorted, threw a load of whites into the washer, and proceeded to make my grocery list.

Every few days I like to go for a drive. I love our hybrid car, and it gets awesome mileage, so I don't feel guilty driving for the sake of driving. I think it must be in my blood to want to do that. When my grandpa was sick (he had lung cancer) no matter how bad he felt, he always had the energy and interest in driving. So, drive I did. On a whim I ended up driving to our old church (45 minutes away) and visited the pastor there.

I had a nice talk with him. He knows more of my history and what it's like with CF. His niece has CF, so he at least has working knowledge of it and won't say anything stupid like "you should just pray more and you'll be healed." He talked with me for awhile and was really encouraging. I felt very bolstered by our time together, which I think is exactly what's supposed to happen when you bring your spiritual needs to God in prayer with another believer.

Feeling renewed to a degree, I decided it was time to get groceries. Here's the great part: I could carry them in by MYSELF! It's nice to know that even though I feel very worn out and weak, that I'm a little better off than I thought. Usually one of the first signs of not feeling well is my inability to carry a gallon of milk. Small victories, right?

With the groceries put away, the house fairly neat, and the dryer humming along loaded with underwear and t-shirts, Brad and I decided to go to the movie theatre to see The Bourne Ultimatum. For me, going to a movie theatre is a high anxiety thing. It's dark, there are strangers, it smells weird, and there's that darn cinemuck on the floor. I'm SO afraid of catching something icky in there. I swallowed me fears and decided to enjoy the evening with my husband.

I actually had a good time. I know I can't just "wish" myself out of depression, but by doing things throughout the day that force me to make choices that can possible improve my mood, I think I'll be able to get by in one piece.

Of course, as always, I'm in God's grip. He's not going to let me fall. He's putting the right people in my path who can encourage me, pray for me, and ultimately just come alongside me and walk this road with me. I'm thankful for that. My husband does all those things at once on a daily basis, and I'm blessed to be loved that much.