Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Thinking about My Battle with Cepacia

I first cultured cepacia about 10 years ago. And when I say cepacia, I mean the big ugly version that made my doctors cry when they gave my family the diagnosis.

That was 10 years ago. The extent of my lung disease has dramatically decreased because of this formidable monster. For some, cepacia ushers in an instant death watch. Cepacia syndrome has claimed too many of our friends, and it's vicious, unforgiving, and brutal.

So why am I still here? Why is it that when I should have succumbed to the ill-effects of this heinous little gram-negative bug, I have rallied? Here's a list of what I believe is sustaining me.

1. God's mercy
2. Diligence and compliance with treatments
3. Wonderful doctors who help keep other infections at bay
4. The synergistic effect of antibiotics
5. Tenacity on my part

My health is not in tip-top shape. But I'm in a holding pattern. Cepacia may have colonized me, it may be killing me ever so slowly, but I'm still fighting. My demise will come when there are no longer new tricks to play on cepacia. Then, and only then will my fight be over. No transplants for me. When my body has had enough, I will go peacefully--without protest, without regret.

I refuse to be my own worst enemy when it comes to CF. I can control my own actions and attitudes about this disease. The rest I leave in God's capable hands.

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