Friday, December 16, 2005

Pacing Myself

Rest, rest, perturbed spirit!
--William Shakespeare

During our first Christmas season together, my husband had to practically force me to rest. I was still finishing up college, working part-time and commuting more than 150 miles a day round trip. Every spare moment I had was spent either studying or trying to adjust to life as a newlywed along with the usual routine of taking care of my health. I tried to tell myself that I could keep up with it all, but I couldn't. My body bailed out on me, and I become quite sick. My loving husband, knowing that unless I really, and truly rested, I wouldn't be of much use to anyone.

For almost an entire week during my break from school, Brad only allowed me to move from the couch to the bed. He made me dinner, brought me tissues, brought me stacks of videos from Blockbuster, and did everything within his power to make sure that I didn't have to expend any energy that I didn't have.

Most women would sit back and totally enjoy being pampered like that. I did enjoy it, but because I'm such an activity-oriented person, sitting still was completely against my nature. Brad had to continually remind me to stay put. I'll never forget how much difference it made to actually get some rest. So often I muddle through even when I'm not feeling my greatest.

In the last few years I have learned (albeit slowly) how to pace myself. Brad doesn't need to remind me nearly as often to just sit still. I've learned that in order to honor the part of my wedding vow to obey Brad, means to listen to him the first time when he tells me to rest, since he is doing that because he loves me.

This week, with Brad out of town, I have been responsible to remind myself to rest. I did have a few things on my to-do list that I wanted to finish, but beyond that, I don't do much besides come home from work, make myself a ton of food, and just stay put. Weeks ago, I had even scheduled a day of vacation from work for myself, so I took full advantage of that opportunity.

Resting isn't my natural inclination, but I've learned that it's an integral part of keeping myself healthy on all levels. All the medications can only do the trick for my body processes, but healing my spirit and resting requires something different. God gives me the strength, peace, and renewal I need when I rest in Him.

Oh my ....Lauren I have the same problem, I push myself and push myself until there is nothing left, why do I do such a thing? I don't know but all I know is i am very hard on myself and also I am live by the moment type of person. So if I am haning out with friends and it is getting late then someone says lets go watch a movie I find myself living in the moment and not hinking abouth the consequenses!!
I think many of us do that in an attempt to keep up with our friends who don't have CF. I've found that the more I tried to make myself appear limitless, the more limited I actually became because I wore myself out. Talk about irony. (Or is that paradoxical...I dunno.)

There is something to be said for living in the moment. Afterall, the Bible does say to make the most of every opportunity because the days are evil. (But that pertains to a different topic). I think the real problem happens when we try to live FOR the moment--to get caught up in the thrill, the frenzy, and the momentum of it all. Living for the moment, rather than in it is probably what King Solomon meant when he talked about chasing after the wind.

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